Time In

I have been pondering time out's as a disciplinary tool these last couple of days. The idea being you send your kid from your presence until he has sorted out his crap and can behave like a decent human being. Something about this didn't sit right with me and I have figured out why.
How can I, as a Christian, know the unconditional love of God and then put a condition on when my kids can receive my love based on how they behave?
Everyone has shitty days where they snap with the smallest provocation. I know I  get pissy when I'm tired. Why should I expect my kids to be little angels at all times when even I- with my fully developed pre-frontal cortex, years of learning how to process my emotions and knowledge of correct behaviour- cannot manage my own emotions?
Instead of time out I have decided on time in. Instead of banishing my kids from my sight I will remove them from the situation, sit them down on my lap (or some other calming activity), wait until their fight or flight response to stress has subsided and then ask them what happened. It is only once they are calm that they can process a lesson. Sending them away then saying "you were bad. Don't do that again. now go and play" will not teach them a way to right whatever wrong was done. It will not instil a sense of trust, love and connection. It will not give them an alternative way of recognising and dealing with the emotion that caused the bad behaviour in the first place. If you feel bad inside then logically you are going to do something bad to get that feeling across. Punishment only makes a confused and angry child feel worse.

So that child will do one of two things. Either lash out by repeating bad behaviour or internalise everything as he thinks that any negative emotions he feels are unacceptable and will make his parents stop loving him and send him away.
Kids are allowed to feel angry. Adults do. Instead of using positive and negative reinforcement like they are animals how about we tell them that "it is OK. What they are feeling is called anger. Here are some appropriate ways to deal with it instead of hitting or name calling or tantrum throwing"

Another bonus to non punitive parenting is that kids wont lie. Lying generally happens when kids want to avoid getting punished. If there isn't a punishment then they wont feel obligated to lie to save their own ass.

For an article that describes this idea better than I can see here.