the true meaning of lovespect

Love is a beautiful thing. We see Gods displays of love for us on a daily basis. Its not hard to see why I used to think love was how you acted towards someone and respect was the attitude you held towards someone. Now I know its the other way around. I have to give credit to Kevin for this one. We had bounced from topic to topic until we came to marriage. Kevin simply said "a man can beat his wife and she can still turn around and say "I know he loves me" but love isn't enough to sustain a marriage. There has to be respect too. Respect is that little thing you do for a person to make them feel like they are important to you. Love is an emotion. Sure its important but it can be there one day and gone the next. Respect is what gives a marriage 'staying power'..." He said more but it was in relation to all the previous topics so we will just munch over this bit for a while.

In the car on the way home my husband mentioned that he would "have to re-map how he respected me". You see we had both gotten our views of what love and respect was, mixed up. Now here I am going to introduce a bit of a funny idea so stay with me... True love IS respect. Wo.... wait a sec. You just said they were different. And surely you don't marry someone just because you respect them. You have to love them too right?

Sure. To make my point though lets have a look at how the bible describes it.

First of all we are told  Husbands, love your wives. Wives, respect your husbands. Why? Because men are naturals at respect so need to be reminded to show love while women are emotional creatures so need to be reminded to show respect. This verse is not saying that husbands need not show respect and wives need not show love but rather that both parties should pay attention to both facets of love/respect. (lets just call it lovespect)

Now we get to 1Corinthians 13. The love scripture. Often read shakily by a bridesmaid or distant cousin at weddings. Have we ever truly done a Dr Barringer and analyzed this scripture though? (Dr B was my English teacher in high school. Right now I am thanking her for the skills she gave me.)

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 

From this we can gather love must be pretty important. Paul is saying here that he could have Absolutely everything in the world. The car, the boat, the batch, and the powerball winning number! But if he didn't have love he would have nothing. Our materialistic society is another good topic but we will leave that for another day.

Enter Dr B.

Love is patient. What does that mean for a marriage? Don't always point out mistakes. Give your spouse time to learn and do it their way.

Love is kind. Don't be mean. So no sarcasm or putting them down in front of others (starting to sound alot like respect eh?)

It does not envy. Guys especially for you but for the women as well, Don't look at other women! (or men) lustfully. When you are married you become one (matt 19:5-6) so not only are you disrespecting your partner by letting your eyes wander (or women making yourselves targets for wandering eyes!) but you are disrespecting yourself.

It does not boast. When having an argument how many people start waxing righteous and making their partner seem the one at fault?Yeah. Don't do that. Don't be a self righteous prick. No one appreciates a huge ego, especially not yourself. Guys don't hear me wrong. I am not saying its bad to be confident. You can be confident without boasting. Boasting automatically changes the confidence to arrogance.

It is not proud. Suck it up and say sorry every once and a while. It will not kill you to not be right all the time. In fact you may even find it a bit of a release to take responsibility for being wrong instead of always having to defend yourself.

It does not dishonour others. Re read "love is kind" and "it does not envy" and "it does not boast"  

It is not self seeking. Re read "it is not proud". Also this means thinking of your spouse before yourself. aka Don't be selfish! You will find that if this happens (especially in the bedroom) a marriage will be a lot more fulfilling.

It is not easily angered. Keep a lid on it. Remember that their opinion counts and don't take personal offence at every little thing. So don't be self seeking and proud. (you can see the recurring themes that seem to be of particular importance)

It keeps no record of wrongs. Basically don't go to sleep angry at each other and if you fight again do not bring up past offences. Stay on topic and don't belittle the other person.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Be honest and keep your heart pure. If you know you screwed up take it before God and get your attitude towards your spouse back to full 'lovespect'

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Forever be looking for the best in your partner, and seek to keep those virtues safe. Get that? Not only "save them if they are about to fall off a cliff" but protect their virtues. If you are causing your partner to sin or are sinning yourself in a way that could make them insecure or feel like they are not enough for you them are you really loving them? Is that really respect?

 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.   

It also says in the bible that God IS love. Think about that. Does your view of God line up with a God that treats you with lovespect? Greater love has no man than to lay down his life for a friend or for all mankind...