there is no "you suck" in team

So I have finally reached the monumental 1 full year married. We spent a glorious week in wanaka overdosing on vit.D during the day and taking strolls in the water with the lazy waves warming our feet  evenings. A time of relaxation for the heart and contemplation for the soul.
An episode at masters ice hockey got me thinking about teams and how best they function. As a married couple God created us to be a team so here comes the heavily loaded metaphore.

In every team there are players with particular strengths and, lets call them, "growth points". Anyone who has ever been in a team knows that each player plays how they play and even though training can improve their skill the technique is specific to them and is crafted over years of learning as they go. Different "coaches" and fellow team mates giving them pointers leads to a mish mash of skills that make them a unique asset to a team.
The best teams are the ones that can recognise the differences in skill levels and skill areas and use the differences to the advantage of the whole team. Instead of saying "no. you suck, you have to change" a good team leader will say "ok you are strong in this area. Work on this... and you are strong in that area. Work on this". Then everyone has something to better themselves on and everyone has a place and feels like they are contributing in a positive way.

The same goes in a good strong healthy marriage. No one is told they suck. Differences are recognised and upbringings are not belittled (after all, the attitude towards the upbringing defines the person). Instead of a clash of skills and one trying to outdo the other the differences provide a balance. You should pick and choose your strong points in accordance with your spouses and this should lead to the players in the team complementing each other rather than having a team that will never work well together and will never win.

ephesians 4:16

¹⁶ From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. 

(and a slightly modified version of 1Cor 9:24)
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
Do you not know that in a tournament all the teams compete but only one team gets the prize? Work together in such a way as to win the prize.